"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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