My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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