can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
