somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
