Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
