I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
