I am spending my child support on dildos
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
