you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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