you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
