We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
