I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Randomize
