WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
