well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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