Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
