So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You are a genius and a whore.
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