this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
