Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm eating all of the evidence.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
