The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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