So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
