Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
