So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
