I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
