I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
