He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
