and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
