If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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