I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
