When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
