Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish you could order shots online.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
