Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
