I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
