it hurts more in the daytime
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
