some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
