one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
