I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
