In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
