Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
