literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
