So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
