There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
