God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
