i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
