Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
