she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
