You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We are all done wearing pants today
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
