I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
