how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
