Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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