I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
