Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
