It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
