then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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