so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
