my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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